The Onion Satirizes the Scenic Railway Industry

Alexander D. Mitchell IV · **Posted:** Wed Nov 18, 2015 6:55 pm

http://www.theonion.com/article/experts ... verw-51866

NOTE: SATIRE

Quote:

NORTH CONWAY, NH—Warning that the nation’s supply of restored antique locomotives and passenger cars will not be able to meet the demands of an aging population, experts confirmed this week that the growing number of retirees will completely overwhelm the scenic railway industry by 2030. “There are only so many 4-mile round-trip rail excursions that wind through picturesque mountain vistas, river valleys, or autumn foliage, and we need to prepare ourselves for what happens when we are no longer able to provide our seniors with the authentic, old-fashioned railroading experiences they require,” said analyst Dale Havermeyer, who estimates that by decade’s end, approximately one-third of the nation’s aging baby boomers will no longer be able to secure a ride in a vintage steam train across a series of wooden trestle bridges while enjoying a complimentary soft drink or cheese and crackers. “At this point, even if we could convince 50 percent of those turning 65 to adopt a more sustainable RV-based sightseeing alternative, we’d still be in trouble.” Havermeyer added that experts are also concerned about the number of knee-replacement surgeries that will be necessary in the coming years to prop up the ailing ballroom dance industry.

Funny, my friend from the U.K. just visited the Conway Scenic the other week.............

dinwitty · **Joined:** Wed Oct 22, 2008 8:18 pm **Posts:** 2226

its stranger in truth there, because one of the narrow gauge lines featured here is nothing but a highway trail with plenty of signs and arrows pointing this was this and that while everybody drives around in their RV/bike/car/whatever lapping the scenick ride where trains used to run instead is entirely a historical drive trail. It still a big duh from me.

stephenpiwowarski · **Posted:** Wed Nov 18, 2015 11:08 pm

That was pretty hilarious. I thought to myself... Wow mainstream media attention, despite the fact that it is mainstream satirical news! Who knows, maybe next heritage railways will make it into xkcd! http://www.xkcd.com for the uninitiated- get initiated soon!

Steve

philip.marshall · **Posted:** Wed Nov 18, 2015 11:12 pm

Hi Steve,

For the record, xkcd has already done model railroads:

http://www.xkcd.com/878/

:)

-Philip

Charlie · **Posted:** Thu Nov 19, 2015 2:27 am

Hmmm, what if we convert baggage cars into ballroom dance cars?

70000 · **Posted:** Thu Nov 19, 2015 5:00 am

Can't say I noticed an N7 0-6-2T on wooden bodied stock the last time I went to the Conway Scenic, though I suppose Sheringhams golf course on the right of the photo does fit in with the one at North Conway..........!

J3a-614 · **Posted:** Thu Nov 19, 2015 7:54 am

Quote:

Warning that the nation’s supply of restored antique locomotives and passenger cars will not be able to meet the demands of an aging population, experts confirmed this week that the growing number of retirees will completely overwhelm the scenic railway industry by 2030.

How much I wish that were true! Could you imagine the business opportunities?

Why, it might even make CSX sit up and take notice, not to mention help bolster the ailing coal industry to supply fuel for all those steam locomotives that would have to be restored!

JimBoylan · **Posted:** Thu Nov 19, 2015 10:49 am

There has already been dancing in baggage cars on some
chartered trains, but I don't know if it was ballroom dancing.

Alan Walker · **Posted:** Thu Nov 19, 2015 12:35 pm

Charlie wrote:

Hmmm, what if we convert baggage cars into ballroom dance cars?

Already been done. Look up the PV "Pony Express".

crij · **Joined:** Sun Aug 22, 2004 12:15 am **Posts:** 585

I guess some of these lines will have to invest in Circus Ramps and TOFC (Trailer on Flat Car) equipment. Let the visitors drive their RV's right onto the train and drive off at the other end... Maybe even equip one of the regular passenger cars with a radio transmitter that the RV's can tune into for Point of Interest information.....

Rich C

CREEPING DEATH · **Joined:** Sun Oct 24, 2010 6:22 pm **Posts:** 275

crij wrote:

I guess some of these lines will have to invest in Circus Ramps and TOFC (Trailer on Flat Car) equipment. Let the visitors drive their RV's right onto the train and drive off at the other end... Maybe even equip one of the regular passenger cars with a radio transmitter that the RV's can tune into for Point of Interest information.....

Rich C

Don't laugh too hard, this was done on the Chepe! https://youtu.be/-VR6JQI8VCQ

Eli

JimBoylan · **Posted:** Fri Nov 20, 2015 12:29 am

Also done on part of the Alaska RR, before it was turned into a
trail with rail that allows motor vehicles to drive on it.

robertmacdowell · **Posted:** Mon Nov 23, 2015 12:56 pm

Here they go again...
http://www.theonion.com/article/conduct ... rash-51879

"DCC could have prevented this accident"

Les Beckman · **Joined:** Tue Aug 02, 2005 1:25 pm **Posts:** 6482

robertmacdowell wrote:

Here they go again...
http://www.theonion.com/article/conduct ... rash-51879

"DCC could have prevented this accident"

Take a close look at the photo. The Lionel gondola is a giveaway; this accident was staged! If you can't trust The Onion, who can you trust these days?

Les